Robbed
by Toe-toe-senpai
Summary: Kakuzu finds out all of his money has suddenly disappeared! There are only a few members of the Akatsuki who know the code to get into his trusty safe. There is only one idiot who would have taken his money. Now he has to pay Kakuzu back with his body, one whole night filled with lust and greed. But will it be enough to satisfy Kakuzu's needs? (Rated M for the swearing)


Kakuzu had been managing the Akatsuki's money for quite some time now. In fact, he had been managing it since he joined a while back. One day, he did his daily rounds of checking the small vault of the Akatsuki's money. He didn't do this just once a day, he made sure to do it three times at least five times at most.

Anyway, Kakuzu had checked the vault, after putting in a security code for the vault, he walked in and nearly fainted from shock. All of the money had been gone. All of it. All of **mostly** his and the other members hard work, gone to waste. He needed the money too, they were running out of supplies and money was definitely a necessity.

 _Quick,_ Kakuzu thought to himself, _I got to come up with a way to gain all that money back!_ He flipped through his bingo book, there weren't any bounties high enough to even put a dent into how much Kakuzu had saved up. There was no use, it seemed hopeless! Without a way to gain money, the Akatsuki is sure to crumble. But what was even worse was that, no money equaled no happiness! (At least for Kakuzu).

He exited the vault, the irritation on his face growing to pure anger as the situation seemed to settle itself in his mind. Not only was the money gone, but someone must have taken it. The only people who knew the code to the vault in the first place was him, and a few other members. Of course Pein and Konan knew, but he knew they were responsible and wouldn't just blow it all willy nilly.

No, whoever was behind this had to be a big idiot. There was only one explanation for this and Kakuzu knew exactly what he had to do. At least this way, he'd be able to earn his money back in no time.

-Later-

"Aw man, this itches, are you sure I gotta fuckin' wear this?"

"Shut it," Kakuzu grumbled, "It's pay back for stealing all of the organization's profits."

"But that wasn't me!" Hidan yelled, crossing his arms. He was forced into wearing a very skimpy female outfit, make-up and a wig. Courtesy of Konan and Sasori of course. Hidan just barely passed for a woman. A big, muscular woman, one with a loud mouth. "Besides, I dunno why I gotta be outside in this thing. Or why I gotta wear these fake tits." He poked the fake pair of breasts stuffed in his shirt.

Kakuzu just nudged him with his elbow, causing Hidan to start to complain in pain as another ninja came up to them. It was obvious this person seemed intoxicated or in the very least on something. The ninja had lidded eyes and spoke slowly, almost slurred. "Hey...Whose your lady friend?"

"I'm not a-"

"Hidana. Her name is Hidana. She's into anything, but she does come with a price."

"KAKUZU, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING-"

The ninja interrupted, "I've got like..." He took out some Ryo from his pocket, counting it up. After a while, he handed a few bands over to Kakuzu. "Is this enough for Houdini?" He winked at Hidan, and nearly feel over in the process. Hidan looked disgusted as Kakuzu quickly counted up the bands of money, then looked back at the ninja, "Is that all you got?"

"Uhh..." The ninja gave Kakuzu the remaining money in his pockets. "What about now?" Kakuzu nodded in approval, "Good. She's all yours. But only for ten minutes at most." Before Hidan could say anything he shoved him towards the ninja. "And remember, if you sacrifice her, I'll cut off your head and hide it from your body for a month."

Hidan grumbled at the thought of not only starving, but being super dehydrated. Kakuzu had used this punishment on him before, but that had been when Hidan thought it would have been a good idea to steal Kakuzu's dentures to see what Kakuzu would look like without his teeth. Most of the Akatsuki found it pretty entertaining, but Kakuzu was on the opposite end of the spectrum.

After being ridiculed about it for nearly a week, kakuzu had created that punishment as revenge. Since then, he's threatened to do it every time Hidan done something that pisses him off. Hidan cringed at the thought and went with the ninja. At least it would only last for about ten minutes, better then a month of suffering.

Minutes later, Hidan had come back, walking a little funny. He was definitely not used to this treatment. "Can we be done with this shit already?!" Kakuzu shrugged, "I dunno, can you give me back my money?"

"I SAID I DIDN'T DO IT!" Hidan yelled. Kakuzu didn't seem to care, "I'm not an idiot Hidan, I can tell you're lying." As the night went on the two occasionally spoke to each other. For the most part, Hidan had been busy with...customers. At least Kakuzu had almost gotten his money back, well, almost. One more customer would bring enough money in and Hidan would finally be out of debt.

Hidan whined, more so annoyed because even if he did get a decent guy to bang, or even a girl, they were usually into weird stuff. "Why did you have to say I was into _anything?"_ Kakuzu responded in a simple, yet quick answer. "It earns more money." Speaking of more money, another man had come up. At least he was moderately attractive, unlike most of the people that Hidan had seen tonight.

Who knows, maybe he might enjoy this one. Well, maybe. "I'd like to take her for the night."

"The night?" Kakuzu echoed, "Well, that'll cost extra." The guy smiled, "that's fine. Can I do whatever I want?" Kakuzu simply nodded, and the man handed Kakuzu a large amount of money. Enough to make Kakuzu's eyes widen. He seemed pretty happy about the amount. "Will that suffice?" The man asked.

"Hidana, please this man however he wishes." Hidan just rolled his eyes and did his best girl impression, which at best sounded like Hinata. Even that was stretching it. "Oh, sure thing." The man just grinned, it was almost creepy. "You can drop the act, I prefer men anyway." Hidan groaned, "Oh thank GOD! That voice was killing my throat! You have no idea how annoying it was pretending to be some pussy all fucking night!"

Kakuzu just pushed Hidan towards the customer, "Time is money, get going." Hidan just grumbled and the man took Hidan's hand. Perhaps he would be gentle. Or just more normal at least. Fortunately for Kakuzu, Hidan was out of his hair for the rest of the night. He didn't even hear from him until next morning. Hidan had came into the Akatsuki base, looking horrified. He had been covered, head-to-toe, in feces.

"MAN, THAT GUY WAS INTO POOP!"

-Months later-

Kakuzu had been talking Zetsu one day. Just small talk, nothing too big. Zetsu then mentioned something interesting, "You know," the white one spoke, "that money thing a few months ago. I saw who did it." Kakuzu raised a brow and looked at him, "Yeah? So do I. It was that idiot Hidan." Zetsu just laughed a little, "No, no. It wasn't Hidan."

"What? Well if you saw who it was then why didn't you tell me?" Zetsu grinned, even the black half seemed happy with the mischief they've caused. "You see, the reason I didn't mention it was because well...I saw Hidan peeing on some of the plants outside. Even though I told him urine would be bad for the plants, and that he should poop on them instead, he just told me to stop looking. In reality, I wanted to see him poop, to see how it worked, but letting you believe he took the money counted as some sort of revenge right?"

Kakuzu wasn't sure if he should be curious or disgusted. "uh..Right. Anyway, just tell me who actually stole my money." Zetsu nodded, "Okay. It was Lord Pein. He needed the money for the supplies that we were running out of. So most of the money went to that, the other half of the money not spent went to gifts for Konan. It was their anniversary yesterday after all."

Kakuzu grumbled, under his breath of course, "And here I thought Pein was mature, instead he spent the money on a woman..."

"So are you going to apologize to Hidan?" Zetsu wondered.

"No, why would I do that? He made me money. There isn't even a need to apologize." And with that, Kakuzu just went on about his own business.

 **AN: really dumb story idea. I know I've been on a long break from my OPM fanfiction, but I will update it! I'm just kind of struggling with idea's for the story atm (Also college is kinda making it hard to have free time in life) Once I catch up with the manga, I'll be sure to write something. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the story for all it's stupidity!**


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